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Thursday, April 09, 2009

HowTo:Use Facebook,A Complete newbies guide to overcome self-embarrasment

Have you registered an account with Facebook and haven't logged in since then?
Do you login to Facebook once a week and get perplexed with the messages splattered across the homepage?
Do you feel puzzled by the staggering number of icons in Facebook Homepage?
Do you ever lie awake at night and wonder,"Even after completing 16 years of education of highest degree i still can't get myself to figure out this social networking site? Why GOD,WHY?"
Had you almost figured out how to use Facebook,but just about then THEY changed it?

If the answers to all the above questions is "Oh Yes,How did you know all this about me?" then you have come across just the right post my friend.Your worst nightmare is about to end soon.This guide will help you breeze through some of the basic features of Facebook as well as let you everything you (n)ever wanted to know about it.

Facebook Homepage mainly consists of the following features:

  1. Yes,Facebook WANTS to know what you are thinking.It "cares" about you ,so much so that it lets everyone know about the same.This box is used by many people(like me) to blurt out any small event in your life that no one,I Repeat -NO ONE cares about but of course you won't let that tiny little thing stop you from sharing it nonetheless.
    So the first step towards becoming a true facebook user starts here.Let your useless thoughts flow and start updating.

    You can Add Links,Photos,Videos and More.The internet is the limit.

  2. Requests
    This can be found at extreme right hand side of the homepage.Here you get friend requests from your friends ofcourse and all other kinds of crappy request to add some applications or to join some cause.(Relax,more on these new things later).
    Remember you have the option to ignore well over here,so THINK for a moment before you accept the seemingly simple request from a "friend" ,lest you get irritated by his updates later on.

  3. Main Page
    Now we are slowly progressing towards the difficult part.The main page unlike Orkut(another well known social networking site) shows you a lot of things.One can see all kinds of things going on with everyone's life in this page.
    For Example:
    • "XYZ is pissed off with ABC beacuse ABC thought XYX didn't care about ABC's feelings"
    • "XYZ wants grape juice"
    • "XYZ will be married in another 1 year,9 months,13 days and 22hours"
    • "XYX is asking very "politely" to GOD that "Why didn't the dinosaurS TAKE these god-forsaken blood-sucking mosquitoes along with them? " *shaking fists in the air* "

    The smartest thing facebook has done is that they have introduced the HIDE feature,so that you can simply hide anyone and everyone who is suffering from SUD.

  4. Wall
    This feature is somewhat similar to what you call scraps in orkut but unlike there you don't keep on exchanging details to and fro over and over again.This is to be used for simply stating some piece of information or at best asking "What is UP ? " without actually expecting a reply.

  5. Applications
    Now comes the hardest part.These applications can be a little unnerving for a newbie.He/She doesn't seem to understand why do i need applications in my profile.One can add games,flirts,superpoke,compare people,kisses,reputation and many many many many other non-sense apps on your profile.This is the ultimate heaven for high speed broadband users who have no life whatsoever other than their computer.

    If you ever come across a message such as "Do you think <insert a friends name here> has a crush on you?" OR "Do you think <insert an ugly friends name here> will make out with you?".
    Don't get hyper sensitive about it,don't start calling him/her to ask whether he/she was really serious about it ? It's just a application which randoms picks out names and adds questions to it,which you can turn off, Yes you can.
    Go To: Settings -->Application Settings --> X
    This lists all the apps your are using or rather which are using you.

  6. Quizzes
    Stay the fuck away from them.

  7. Misc
    • In order to spend more of your precious time on facebook you can add comments or LIKE stuff(which simply means,that you don't actually have to know anything about the thing that has been posted and you can simply pretend that you "like" it)

    • There's a option of chatting as well, with Online Friends visible on the bottom right-hand side.If you get pinged by friends(such as those i warned you before at the time of accepting their friend requests) with whom you don't wanna have any conversation you can choose to go Offline as well.

    • Highlights : Found on the left right side pane ,this basically consists of the summary of things which you have already seen on main page or rather which you would have "missed".

    • Pages and Groups:Join in and let the world know about your lame ass choices in music,movies,celebrities and life in general.
That's about it.This is all you need to know about Facebook.It's not as difficult as some people think it is,of course you need a lot of common sense a little bit of self exploration the kind which Orkuteers are not used to.

Happy Poking.


mcenley said...


Good post...

Neeraj Munshi said...

Always glad to help the needy :-D

mcenley said...

Where's the "Highlights" tab on the left pane ? Can't see it on my profile. Any help? :-)

Neeraj Munshi said...

My Bad,My Bad...It's right pane.Post will be edited for the same.

haha,stupid me.

mcenley said...

Well, it just "highlights" the stuff people have posted etc.

Is there a way to know if someone has commented on my or anyone else status etc. except alerting a mailer.

Because all the comments keep going out of scope once too many of your friends take quizzes etc.

Neeraj Munshi said...

Damn i forgot to add the Notifications section too...i think i need to update the post...

There is notifications in bottom right,which lets u know about any comments made in the post which u had commented on or posted...

and it's better to switch off the emails in settings section.

the Inscrutable blogger said...

dude.. am becoming a fan of your blogs day by day.. nice one..keep up the good work :-D

Neeraj Munshi said...

Thanks a lot and I'm glad that you're liking it.

Tanvi said...

WTF is wrong with you !!!!!!!!! from wen did u start taking my advice seriously ???????????? hey all u ppl... dont thank Neerazzzz, thank me.. i gave him the idea to blog abt this vacuous topic :P

Neeraj Munshi said...


It's only because of people like you i was able to come up with the Questions in the starting of the post.So yeah that's a major contribution from your end. :-P

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