Me , Myself & Mumbai ,RA!T, Movies , Music , Books , TV , Ramblings.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

GOD hates NIKE......

.......or at least he/she doesn't like me wearing one of those.

3-4 Years Earlier,
Few days had passed since i had bought my brand new Nike shoes,I am the kinda person who doesn't buy shoes easily,by easily i mean that i browse through at least five to ten different brands in various malls and factory outlets before i finally choose THE pair.One important fact you should know is about the strange rule in my college library:One has to remove his shoes outside before he enters the "Air-conditioned" library" and this is BY ORDER.

Well so obviously i couldn't argue with "BY ORDER" ,so I removed my shoes outside the library and went inside.I still can't think of a good reason why i would have gone inside the library except maybe to get some assignments.Anyhoo the day was about to get over and I came back outside to head back home,so I start looking for my shoes,i repeat brand new shoes,and funny as it may seem,there sure as hell weren't there ! The moment it stuck me I thought of shouting "Chor Chor" but then thought otherwise.Everyone left and the only pair of shoe remaining was the one which my new friend had decided to leave for me,his own worn out shoes,while he walked away in my nike.

April 2009:
After all those years now I have bought another pair of Nike,which passed all the aforementioned mandatory browsing through stores located in Kharghar,Seawoods,Vashi and all the way to Bandra,Chembur.So I am happy again that i have got another Nike and now i wear that to my gym and other purposes,I'm loving this shoe,but as always,where there is too much love there is fate.

The important fact which you should know about present day is that in our home we have shoe rack outside which has a key and lock.

So,few days back mom and I saw a stray pair of Reebok lying right next to my shoe rack,we both didn't pay much attention to it,maybe someone has come in neighbours house and left it there.
And also around that time,mom took out the key from the shoe rack which dad had forgotten to keep inside while going out.So we lock the shoe rack and come back in.Dad comes back home,and inquires about the stray Reebok,i still couldn't care less.And so that day passes.

Next morning,while I am still in bed mom comes in room with that same stray Reebok and asks me whether this is my shoe.Half asleep I look at it and say "How can that be my shoe?NO,it's not MY shoe,why are you holding this shoe in my room in the first place?"As i answered this question i had already almost realized what had hap pend yesterday.So just to confirm it mom goes out and opens the shoe rack,and funny as it may seem,there sure as hell wasn't any Nike shoe lying around there.Mom confirms the same to me and I lay motionless in bed,smiling at the god above.Once again the memories of that fateful day in college sweep through my mind.

And hence the moral of the story lies in the title.

I thought of buying a new pair as i needed one to wear in gym,so i set out again to browse through the stores,but as i reached Vashi,even the thought of again going to through the pain of trying out various shoes troubled my lazy mind.I knew what had to be done.I went back home empty-handed.Later in the evening i wore those same stray Reebok to gym.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

No Computers,नो इंग्लिश

Last week Samajwadi Party(SP) had come out with their manifesto for Election '09,in which they had stated that if SP came into power then they would reduce the usage of Computers at workplace and curb the compulsory usage of इंग्लिश language in administration,judicial places and in schools and would rather promote national and regional languages.

My first reaction,just like any of you,when i heard this news was a mixture of
WTF with a wide grin on my face.I thought,here we go back to 1960's,how can these people even think of such a thing in today's time and age? How can anyone come out with such regressive plans for people of India?With passing of time,English media bombarded questions on them asking about the same,me and most of my friends too thought they had gone crazy coming out with such an idea.And now a week later sitting in my bed,suddenly a thought stuck me.

So let me present another side of this story which i think none of us ever care to think of.I'm not defending anybody over here,but just merely trying to bring in a different perspective.

First of all let's get one thing figured out that SP is a regional party contesting elections in UP and maybe some states around UP.Now do we really think that there is a wide-spread usage of computers in villages of UP or for that matter in UP itself? Do the people over there converse in English? Does anyone even know how to read and write English?Sometime i have found myself and even some of my friends saying "Look at France,Germany,Japan,China they haven't given up on their national language,they force others to speak in their own native language and NOT in English" , BUT when it comes to our own country,we totally detest the idea of anyone speaking in Hindi or any regional language(Alright,i may not be in favor of totally regionalizing languages but Hindi will do) .

From what i gather there is widespread poverty and unemployment in UP, so does a state like that really need computerization? Yes, computers can do the work of several individuals but why would anyone in his right mind favor that in villages or small towns?Heck, Who would want to reduce the number of jobs? Why would any political party promote that?Why do we think that getting proper English education will be to utmost importance to the dalits of UP?

I would not be saying the same things if these were opinions or manifesto of a national party.But in this case I think WE,the metropolitan population,the bloggers,the Facebook/Orkut users,should really stop believing the that we make up the whole of India,when in reality ,we are not even 5% of the whole population of India.In fact we all are so disconnected from the rest of India,that not even in our dreams we can realize the state of affairs in rest of the India and especially the rural states unless we go and visit them ourselves.

Well,in the end,I guess all I want is for people to start viewing things such as these with a different perspective and not just confine the whole of India within our own small realm of Internet.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

HowTo:Kill Time

Have trouble understanding Class XII integration?Dropped from college? Have no job? Are you the Project Leader of a team? The company which(after numerous unsuccessful aptitude tests and "HR" interviews) finally decided to hire you, gave you a joining date of 2019? Looks like it's time for you to kill time.

In this brief yet complete guide you'll get to know how to go about performing this seemingly simple yet intricate act of killing time.In 4 easy steps you can complete this complex act.

Step One - Get Rid of Anything Remotely Useful in your Life

fate hasn't done this bit for you already,then the onus is upon you to take the first step.If you have a job that sucks(or otherwise)? Quit it. If you have exams coming up in 1 weeks time? Stop studying.If you have a project deadline in couple of days time? Pretend to have a migraine. and put all the burden of work on your "teammates".

So the trick is stop doing anything useful in your life,anything that can actually amount to something meaningful.This is very important step if you want to kill time,otherwise it doesn't make much sense to kill time,just for the sake of it.You should be rendered truly idle in order to proceed to Step Two.

Step Two - Kill all urges

Yes,now that you have finished Step One,there would many temptations for you to go back to your life the way it was before you took the first step,but you should first
kill all such urges before you go ahead and kill time.One has to be strong and willing in order to stop such kinds of temptations to "utilize" time.

(Meaningful)Life,as you know it,is over for now.However hard it may seem,you
cannot go back to your earlier life where you didn't feel any urge to kill time.One should remain oblivious to any kinds of suggestion from anyone which offer you any kind of advice or tips to do otherwise.

Step Three - Killing Time

Time,as we all know,is very precious.Nevertheless we must kill it.

This is the hardest step.After you have made yourself able , you now literally have to kill time.This would require your complete attention towards
nothingness.Your complete focus should be on nothing at all.There are many ways to brutally kill time,here are few for your consideration :

  • Do Nothing - One has to remain in a dormant state on his bed,starting at the wall.You can't do anything else when you have decided to kill time this way.The only thing you can do,is think.Yes,think about your dreams and your aspirations.And how they have all reduced to dust.Think, about all you ever wanted in life and instead you are staring at a freaking wall.UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES , this thinking should lead you to spoil all the work you have done in Step Two.You just have to think,and not actually do something about your life.
  • Become an Orkut Stalker - Anyone can use Orkut but c'mon you are not anyone.
    In order to get more out of this social networking site,one has to find some friends ,who are very "busy" in life and don't have the time(yes,the same time which you seem have to a lot in both hands).Now since you have zeroed in on your target,visit the scarp book of this unassuming friend of yours and post something completely random and irrelevant such as copy-pasting a below scrap or just typing "+1" in his/her scrapbook.

    This method of killing time has two fold benefit - First,obviously it does kill time(which is your intention) and Second,it forces the other friend to reply back spewing curses in your scrapbook and thus keeping his/her account active ,saving them from facing de-activation due to inactivity.
  • Start Information Overload on Facebook -Share any small piece of news you have found on the internet with other people.A Dog gave birth to a rat? Share the link.Baby Panda sneezing?Share the video.
    Another,similar yet powerful way to kill time is to keep on updating your status every 30 minutes or so.These seemingly simple acts of sharing informasion,has profound effect on the minds of others who unlike you don't have time in their hands,and so it results in some not-so-kind comments,which in turn is a boon for you since it gives you ample time to respond to those comments and anger those very people even more.
  • Chat with other species of your kind - There are some legendary chats which can occur between two suspects who are charged with the murder of time.

    Example 1 :

    1:47 AM Suspect A: not sleeping dude ?
    1:48 AM Suspect B: ekdum phresh feel ho raha hai abhi :D
    Suspect A: awesome
    Suspect B: eheh
    1:49 AM tu kya kar raha hai?
    Suspect A: eheheh phresh ho raha hoon re
    eheh not able to sleep man
    Suspect B: haha wohi toh...u sleep in afternoon too like me?
    Suspect A: eheheh yeah
    1:50 AM Suspect B: toh ghanta neend aayegi 2 baje :D
    Suspect A: true
    aur bol kya chalu hai life mein
    1:51 AM Suspect B: bass yaar..kya chalega...wohi baithe rehte hain net pe
    log pareshan ho jate hain hum se
    Suspect A: haha
    1:52 AM awesome atleast some good from this wretched thing
    Suspect B: aur nahi toh kya....everyone is liye stop wasting time on facebook
    aree toh kya karon
    Suspect A: ehehe man
    i am so bored with everything fuck i cant tell u man
    there are no words left in me
    1:53 AM Suspect B: hahahah
    Suspect A: its liek typing on chats and mails has drained my memory
    Suspect B: i can understand man....still life
  • Start Blogging - Write a post such as this.

Step Four - Don't Stop

Come what(ever) may,you
must continue to kill time over a considerable period of time,preferably somwhere around 3-4 months before you can safely think that you have killed so much time that you wish you hadn't.But don't let the regret get to you,if it does that you are guilty as charged,otherwise you are just another person livin' it through."Enjoying" each day as it comes.

So don't get up off your seats and sit idle to kill time.

PS: " Judge not lest you be judged"

Monday, April 13, 2009

The 5 people you meet on earth

"When you die and go to heaven/hell ,and if you have made at least 5 good friends on earth then you have lived a good life"

The above quote or something on similar lines was the status message of a friend of mine.So this quote along with the subsequent conversation I had with her,somehow got stuck in my mind,and hence this post.

If you really come to think of it,friends are really the essence of this life we have.I won't go in the details of frandships and the importance of having some really good ones.So in what details i wanna go in to?? Hmmmmm,even i am not quite sure of it yet.

I'm really glad to have made some wonderful friends all through the different phases in my life.In my school/colony,the 12th std classes,RAIT,
LAN/cZ,Mastek I was lucky enough to come across a wide spectrum of people,and of all those I am very certain that I have made if not many but at least quite a few good friends,i.e the sorts who would be applicable to the above quote.

As years pass,it becomes quite difficult to pinpoint the exact starting point of a good friendship or what actually makes one go along so well with a particular person.As they say, It's Written.

With some I share all of my secrets,with some I had had some really great phone calls at a time when mobile phones had not made way into all of our lives,with some I had many eventful walks at night while coming back from classes, some i have spent most of my time with in school & college,some share mutual interests and dislikes,some because of whom my scrap count is nearing 8k,with some i have eaten food at the best places all over mumbai and in few other parts of india,some who know me better than I do myself and still talk to me for who I am while expecting nothing in return and regardless of how many times i forgotten their B'days( :p ) and then those few who are lost somewhere in time.

So i guess, this a Thank-You post to all you,YOU know who you are.

PS:This post is specially dedicated to the two of you whom i forgot to add in the list :)

Thursday, April 09, 2009

HowTo:Use Facebook,A Complete newbies guide to overcome self-embarrasment

Have you registered an account with Facebook and haven't logged in since then?
Do you login to Facebook once a week and get perplexed with the messages splattered across the homepage?
Do you feel puzzled by the staggering number of icons in Facebook Homepage?
Do you ever lie awake at night and wonder,"Even after completing 16 years of education of highest degree i still can't get myself to figure out this social networking site? Why GOD,WHY?"
Had you almost figured out how to use Facebook,but just about then THEY changed it?

If the answers to all the above questions is "Oh Yes,How did you know all this about me?" then you have come across just the right post my friend.Your worst nightmare is about to end soon.This guide will help you breeze through some of the basic features of Facebook as well as let you everything you (n)ever wanted to know about it.

Facebook Homepage mainly consists of the following features:

  1. Yes,Facebook WANTS to know what you are thinking.It "cares" about you ,so much so that it lets everyone know about the same.This box is used by many people(like me) to blurt out any small event in your life that no one,I Repeat -NO ONE cares about but of course you won't let that tiny little thing stop you from sharing it nonetheless.
    So the first step towards becoming a true facebook user starts here.Let your useless thoughts flow and start updating.

    You can Add Links,Photos,Videos and More.The internet is the limit.

  2. Requests
    This can be found at extreme right hand side of the homepage.Here you get friend requests from your friends ofcourse and all other kinds of crappy request to add some applications or to join some cause.(Relax,more on these new things later).
    Remember you have the option to ignore well over here,so THINK for a moment before you accept the seemingly simple request from a "friend" ,lest you get irritated by his updates later on.

  3. Main Page
    Now we are slowly progressing towards the difficult part.The main page unlike Orkut(another well known social networking site) shows you a lot of things.One can see all kinds of things going on with everyone's life in this page.
    For Example:
    • "XYZ is pissed off with ABC beacuse ABC thought XYX didn't care about ABC's feelings"
    • "XYZ wants grape juice"
    • "XYZ will be married in another 1 year,9 months,13 days and 22hours"
    • "XYX is asking very "politely" to GOD that "Why didn't the dinosaurS TAKE these god-forsaken blood-sucking mosquitoes along with them? " *shaking fists in the air* "

    The smartest thing facebook has done is that they have introduced the HIDE feature,so that you can simply hide anyone and everyone who is suffering from SUD.

  4. Wall
    This feature is somewhat similar to what you call scraps in orkut but unlike there you don't keep on exchanging details to and fro over and over again.This is to be used for simply stating some piece of information or at best asking "What is UP ? " without actually expecting a reply.

  5. Applications
    Now comes the hardest part.These applications can be a little unnerving for a newbie.He/She doesn't seem to understand why do i need applications in my profile.One can add games,flirts,superpoke,compare people,kisses,reputation and many many many many other non-sense apps on your profile.This is the ultimate heaven for high speed broadband users who have no life whatsoever other than their computer.

    If you ever come across a message such as "Do you think <insert a friends name here> has a crush on you?" OR "Do you think <insert an ugly friends name here> will make out with you?".
    Don't get hyper sensitive about it,don't start calling him/her to ask whether he/she was really serious about it ? It's just a application which randoms picks out names and adds questions to it,which you can turn off, Yes you can.
    Go To: Settings -->Application Settings --> X
    This lists all the apps your are using or rather which are using you.

  6. Quizzes
    Stay the fuck away from them.

  7. Misc
    • In order to spend more of your precious time on facebook you can add comments or LIKE stuff(which simply means,that you don't actually have to know anything about the thing that has been posted and you can simply pretend that you "like" it)

    • There's a option of chatting as well, with Online Friends visible on the bottom right-hand side.If you get pinged by friends(such as those i warned you before at the time of accepting their friend requests) with whom you don't wanna have any conversation you can choose to go Offline as well.

    • Highlights : Found on the left right side pane ,this basically consists of the summary of things which you have already seen on main page or rather which you would have "missed".

    • Pages and Groups:Join in and let the world know about your lame ass choices in music,movies,celebrities and life in general.
That's about it.This is all you need to know about Facebook.It's not as difficult as some people think it is,of course you need a lot of common sense a little bit of self exploration the kind which Orkuteers are not used to.

Happy Poking.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

HowTo:Instructions and Guides on anything and everything

The below post is written in good humor and out of sheer boredom.Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely intentional.For Complaints & Grievances kindly use the comments section which may or may not result in (if any) prompt action.Though no efforts whatsoever have been made to ensure the accuracy and authenticity the content on this Portal, the same should not be construed as a statement of law or used for any legal purposes. Author apologizes in advance for the complete stupidity and uselessness of this post.

This is going to be my take on 25 Random Thingy which is on Facebook,the only minor difference is that this one doesn't have 25 things and I decided to include some of my friends in this one as well.

Listed below are upcoming 'How To' Guides, which are going to hit the shelf of a bookstore near you very soon.

  • HowTo: Ruin a good picture by CharudAtta.If you like this one,then do check out his earlier bestseller HowTo: "."
  • HowTo:Reply to a scarp in 7 words or less by Manas.He is currently in the process of writing his new guide HowTo:Use Rebel XTi.
  • HowTo:Buy Unnecessary awesome gadgets by Pratham.Author of earlier classics like,HowTo:Meddle with course of nature.
  • HowTo:Sleep with eyes and mouth wide open by Viki.
  • HowTo:Eat Chillies by Neel.
  • HowTo:Get bitten by a chicken by Sabu.
  • HowTo:Get Knifed in cZ by Maha.
  • HowTo:Smile for Photographs by Amy.She had previously written a rather horrendous personal account in HowTo:Get Poked.
  • HowTo:Laugh intermittently by Tanvi.She had earlier written lesser known cult classics such as HowTo:Walk Fast and HowTo:Recommend awesome restaurants.
  • HowTo:Sing "Barbie-Girl" with Death Growls by Chakku.
  • HowTo:Create new words by Mohsin.Author of previously unpublished smash hit HowTo:Do the Nagin Dance.
  • HowTo:Take Care of your Hair by Harpreet.
  • HowTo:Complete B.E by Ramteke Baba.His previous achievements include HowTo:Recommend Good Music.
  • HowTo:Wear Braces by Afra.She had earlier almost completed HowTo:Increase your height.
  • HowTo:Eat More & Stay Skinny by Shweta.
  • HowTo:Be Slow by Condi.
  • HowTo:Buy costly untangable crappy earphones by Jeet.
  • HowTo:Laugh Hysterically by Jisha.She is currently writing HowTo:Dance.
  • HowTo:Not drive a car by Akshay.Also check out the prequel, HowTo:Not ride a bike.A sequel with a surprising new twist is also in the making ,HowTo: Fly an Aeroplane.
  • HowTo:Stand in Queue by Shadab.
  • HowTo:Hump Mountains by Gaurang.
  • HowTo:Party All Night by jO.
  • HowTo:Screw Up by YOU.
And last but definitely not the least,here's a few guides by yours truly:
  • HowTo:Waste Time.
  • HowTo:Fail miserably in Aptitude Tests.
  • HowTo:Fidget with your face and hair.

Sunday, April 05, 2009

Things I Noticed : RAIT Alumni Meet '09

So as i visited my 2nd Alumni Meet yesterday,here's a list of few things that i felt would be worth remembering few years down the line :

  • People still come few hrs later than IST.So that's good.
  • As i walked in the gates on my college with Viki,it felt less of a reunion and more like every other weekend.
  • Ramteke Baba looked rather hilarious in a shirt.Stick to your tees and cargos. :D
  • Mohsin was found walking around the college arranging stuff for the event with his customary headphones.
  • Viki knows far greater number of people that I do.It felt stupid to keep staring at the ground or at some random tree while he conversed with them.
  • Tees available on sale looked a bit uninspired.So did the name of Alumni Magazine.
  • I finally gave Baba a chance to profess his long overdue unrequited love :P
  • Viki sorely missed the company of 2 of his groupies(The BIG A & A) :D
  • After my 1st year in RAIT the in-house metal scene was pretty much on the decline and this time around it felt as if it was officially dead.R.I.P.
  • Continuing our long-lasting tradition of humiliating the incoming bands in our college,no one gave even a rat's ass about the band.So much so that the lead singer was down in the ground,looking back and cheering rest of his "band".
  • Mohsin was the sole representative from the entire college who undertook the task of standing in front of the stage and giving the band encouragement of sorts.
  • There was a strong sense of solidarity amongst the classmates of A Div., Computers 2k7.
  • Our class on the other hand did show a very strong sense of Americanization.O Bro's Where Art Thou??
  • After 2 years it gets a little hard to remember all the names of your batch mates ,but we did found a very ingenious way to overcome that embarrassing situation.Whenever you come across some guy whom you know but STILL can't get yourself to remember his name,you just have to go like this " Abe BC, TUUUUUU ? Kaisa hai be ?? "
  • Chicken and the food in general was superb as it was last year as well.Although Chick Lollypop was gravely missed.
  • Backdoors of two cars looked like a kickass bar of any suburban pubs.
  • Booze was,is, and will always be cheaper than soft-drinks.To be preciese it was 10 bucks cheaper.*
  • I truly appreciate the efforts put in by everyone who was involved in organizing this event.
  • For what it's worth,if given a chance,I would attend another Alumni meet.
  • RAIT will always have a special place in all of our hearts,Period.

* Soft-Drinks were priced at Rs.10 a glass.