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Sunday, August 15, 2010

The Summer of My Satisfaction

Summer and I go very well together.I'm lazy and she goes out of her way to make life even more lazier for me.When I'm all strung out and exhausted by the demanding situations in my life,summer comes through like sunshine in a dark stormy night.Over the years whenever i had a terrible time coping up life,summer came up as solace.

Summer always gives me the time and space i need to do my own thing,even if my own thing doesn't amount to much. Last year before coming to the states, i had lots of time in my hand,and in the hindsight it was all for the better.I got to relax and others got to read some more depressing/angry/mindless posts.Hah.

Summer and I had a wonderful time this year.A rather better part of summer was spent at CJ's house along with ze mark.The kinda jokes that were cracked in that house,the kinda talks that were shared in that house,are beyond the boundaries of a sane mind.Endless hours were spent talking about everything and anything under the sun.From talking about the times we had in the past one year,to talking about the lack of any direction,and by talking i mean cursing. 

I still remember the day when we bought CJs gigantic television.The U-hauling and the over pricing.Hah it was fun.This was just the beginning that ended with our addiction with ze xbox.Modern Warfare 2 was the lone savior of our lives,along with a cameo by Trials HD.We spent weekends at a stretch completing the game.(Yes Jaggu, i said it the game) know it's just a video game but the kind of exhilaration we had,the kind of abuses that were spewed every other mind,while completing those missions is/are priceless.

Now its time to bid summer farewell.Even though my room mate tries his best to paint a pessimistic/truthful picture ,I see a cheerful and a optimistic Fall,and by Fall i mean the season.This time off has really prepped me up for another semester.I have lots of things in mind that i want to accomplish and i firmly believe that I'll get by..with a little help from my friends. 

There is always a point,i might fail to see the point in the present,but without a fail,every time,i have realized it in the hindsight.No Regret,No Remorse.Moving on.




Saturday, August 14, 2010

The Summer of My Discontent


Summer and I don't go very well together.She,for reasons unknown, has always been very harsh on me.The past three months have had a striking resemblance to last year.Last year,I thought this is as bad as it can get,but as always fate was determined to prove me wrong.And wrong i was.Last year i was bored out of my freaking mind being alone at home while there others who were bored out of their own freaking mind by being alone at home and we used to communicate through the holy medium of internet.But this year we have joined forces.

Summer usually applies this Modus Operandi:At first when she's yet to come,she entices me with the grand hope of accomplishment,fulfillment and all things inspirational.Then as she comes closer and when I'm not paying attention she covertly changes her plans(Yes,she's convoluted).As i wait in vain,Summer then arrives and all that is left is a vaguer hope of getting through it with minimum damage.

Summer alone is not responsible for this.For this? For this? For what? Boredom? Discontent?  Restlessness? Habit? The answer is never clear,the lines are always blurred.

I have now started to accept that discontent will always be a part of me.It's in my by design.How much ever i try to deny that,or to fight that it doesn't seem to go away.It fades away for a while only to come back stronger that ever before.On the other hand this feeling of discontentment is the one responsible for all the good things in my life.Bitch.

I'm never discontent in the true sense of the word,i always accept what i get with arms wide open because it's always for the better but at the same time a part of me resents it.A part of me knows that i can do much better,but the other part says "maaf hai".I don't know if that's funny or scary.I remember saying to certain someone yesterday that "i can give best piece of advice to anyone and i can cheer up people during troubled times,wish i could do it myself as well".Or at least someone else would.

Okay,so my perspective has shifted a bit during the course of writing this post.Now as a result of a conversation i am wondering "Really,am i too harsh on myself?". Do i like this feeling of judging myself on my own terms and then wallowing in that feeling of discontentment? Sometimes i do feel that my mind goes overboard with all the thoughts.The imploding voice inside my head really fucks me up.On the outside i can work,watch a movie,share a joke,crack a bad joke(i mean a really really really bad joke) but on the inside my thoughts keep tearing me apart.

I guess there's no point.The specifics hardly matter.Kalti.