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Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Of Changes and Regrets in Life !

It's been pretty long since i have posted in here.Life's been going through many changes recently i don't know if its for good or bad but what's done is done.i am really not quite sure what i want to write over here ,it's just that i was feeling really down since past few days.Earlier i used to be down when i didn't have a job or was tensed because of results but now when everything is done and way is all clear still the mind is not satisfied.

Are we really never happy ?
I got no reason to worry now.Now i have a job,all 7
sems cleared but still sometimes i feel depressed.I feel this computer has made my life a mess.I can't seem to do anything except sit in front of this fucking machine and surf the net or play games or do some shyt or the other.
Fuck i got so many novels to read and so much more to do but all i do is sit and waste time.

I really need to find happiness in my mind.Life is all just a state of mind.These days all i want to do is stay at home.I feel happy when i am at home.It's not that i don't have fun in college.Oh yes i do , but its just the thought of waking up in the morning and going to college that gives me that bored feeling.I am 21 and i am already bored.What the fuck am i doing?i really wonder.I know i have to do lots of thing but i just can move my lazy ass and do that.

Everyone is capable of achieving whatever he sets his eyes on.I really do believe and wanna be one of those.I have got great plans for future in my mind.Oh yes i have.But i don't think i have ever taken any steps in that direction.I do good without taking much of an effort;but sometimes i wonder what life would have been if i had taken that extra effort , if i had walked that extra mile.I know its not too late now.I just hope i become the person i imagine myself as in the future.I hope i don't fuck it all up because of my laziness.And my dear friends i use the word laziness in a very serious sense of the word,i mean i am REALLY lazy.

I have done some things in my life which i wish i wouldn't have done.If i could turn back time i would really like to take it all back.I have been rude and i have been like a jerk to some people,i know because of situation i was in.I have thought of saying my apologies to the select one or two people to whom i feel i have let them down.and i hope i do it ASAP.It's not my ego that's stopping me from doing that.it's just that guilt that's stopping me from even picking up the phone and say i am sorry or even type a mail.And it's been with me since a long time now.

I'll have to go soul searching now.i know this sounds so cliched but that's what i have to do.I have to seek answers and start to erase the habits which are
degenerate to my life.

Actually this has been quite a mess of a post.i have no clue what i have written in.i just wanted to talk to someone and i couldn't find someone to share it with right away so i thought of writing it all down in my dear diary.i guess now I'll read this again after posting it so as to see and comprehend what i have written.

1 comment:

rCkcLimb3r said...

That Extra Mile..
Yes, we always think about that extra mile..

i Dont know why but i really must say, somwhere you spoke for me also..